Play dates are a common occurrence in the lives of most children. Kids want to have friends over and they want to visit the homes of their friends. Play dates give a child the opportunity to be a host and to learn to help their guest feel comfortable and welcomed. When visiting a friend's home, children learn how to maneuver around unfamiliar territory, work with another adult, and use their manners-thank you and please. But for some children with ADHD, spending time with friends can be difficult. If your child does not experience play dates, she is missing an opportunity to practice and hone her social skills.
Before a play date can be planned, you need to find a good playmate . Ask your child who he plays with at school. Talk with your child's teacher to discuss who plays with your child. You need the names of a couple of children so you can rotate them through the play dates. Initially, you want to invite one child over to your home. Group dynamics of more than one friend can make a get-together difficult for a child with minimal skills. Hold off on inviting multiple friends until your child is comfortable with playing one-on-one.
Now that you have some possible playmates, the next step is to plan the play date . Children who need to practice their social skills do not have the skills to maintain a play date solely on their own. Upfront planning by you will ensure a smoother time.
Keep the get-together short. Make sure you have an end time and that the other parent is prepared to pick up their child at an agreed upon time. Long play dates provide the children with more opportunities for breakdowns or to get bored. The friend should leave the play date wanting to return.
Plan a physical activity in case the children need to get outside and work off excessive energy. But keep it simple. You do not want activities that are so difficult that you need to be involved the entire time. Instead, preselect some age-appropriate things that you can suggest to the children, but that they can manage on their own. With summer soon arriving, the outdoor activities can include running through the sprinklers, playing with water guns, writing with sidewalk chalk, or making bubbles.
Schedule a snack time. Allow the two children time to sit, eat, and talk. Check if your child's friend has any food allergies or food restrictions prior to the get-together. Peruse your cookbooks and the web for fun and interesting snacks that the children can help prepare.
Prepare a craft project where the guest can bring something home. But make sure it's not too elaborate. You don't want a project that requires so much concentration that the two children do not interact. There are simple craft packages that you can find at your local crafts store. Check the web for inspiring activities.
You can also choose to let the kids play with a toy that you currently have at home. Go through your existing games, puzzles, and other toys for things that the kids can do together.
In addition to planning the activities, you need to prepare your child. Walk her through what the play date will entail. Anticipate any problems or issues that may arise and talk her through these. Make sure she is aware of the final activity so that she knows when the play date will end.
Prior to the play date, remove toys or items that may cause your child problems. For example, don't leave a Gameboy or PSP out where the children may want to play them. These are one player items and do not help your child to work on his social skills.
Pay attention during the play date, but do not become highly involved. You want to know what is going on in case you need to intervene during a misunderstanding or if the kids are having a problem finding something to do. Listening to the play date helps you to debrief your child later.
Once the friend has left, debrief your child. Praise your child for what went right. Discuss options for things that might have caused problems. Use what you learn to improve the planning process for the next play date.
Beware, having your child's friends over will be exhausting-for you! Things will go wrong. Things will go right. There will be times when you just don't feel like planning another activity. Try to keep the play dates fun and interesting. They are important for your child, but you don't want to burn out. You want to aim for success. Keep it small and keep it simple. Try to keep a sense of humor and your child's social skills will improve.
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